


Not-So-Fair Haven

by starinvoid (geekns)



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: Episode: s06e11 Fair Haven, F/M, Fluff and Angst, The Doctor ships Janeway/Chakotay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-09-20
Updated: 2001-09-20
Packaged: 2018-12-26 06:24:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12053184
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekns/pseuds/starinvoid
Summary: Yet another attempt to rewrite one of Voyager's episodes to get our favorite unrequited command team to admit their feelings to one another. Janeway seeks the counsel of the EMH and gets an earful.





	Not-So-Fair Haven

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Unfortunately, Paramount and Viacom own Star Trek and all its characters. This story is full of spoilers from Voyager's episode, "Fair Haven." In fact, a good part of it has almost identical dialogue. I don't write this for monetary gain, i only write what i wish TPTB would have...
> 
> Note: I began writing this about a week after "Fair Haven" aired. For a long time, i didn't know how to finish it, and it just sat on my hard drive, waiting to be completed. About the title: I chose it before i even started writing this piece of fanfic. I understand there are a lot of other Anti-Fair-Haven stories floating around, and i apologize if my title is the same as yours. It is merely a coincidence. I hope you enjoy the story.

It was a night like any other in Tom Paris' new Fair Haven program.  Everyone was gathering at Sullivan's for a bit of R & R.  Tom, Harry, and the Doctor arrived together.  As they headed for the bar side by side, they greeted various members of the crew who were scattered around the pub: some playing rings, some telling bad jokes, some downing drinks.  The room was beginning to get pretty packed, and it looked like the night was going to be full of fun.  
  
"What will it be, gentlemen?" Neelix wiped the counter clean as his shipmates approached.  
  
"Nothing for me," proclaimed the Doctor.  He looked toward his companions:  "temperance is a virtue."  Tom shrugged, turning back to Neelix:  
  
"Where's Michael?"  
  
"He hasn't been here all afternoon," Neelix answered:  "Rumor is that he's been spending the day with someone called Katie O'Clare."  
  
"Katie O'Clare?"  
  
"Who's Katie O'Clare?" Harry echoed Tom.  
  
"I don't know," Tom answered:  "I didn't program anyone with that name:  besides, Michael's married."  
  
"Maybe Commander Chakotay would know," Neelix suggested.  "He's the one who told me where Michael was."  The trio turned around to look where Neelix was pointing.  Chakotay was sitting at a table, alone, a shot glass in his hand and a bottle at his elbow.  
  
"That's odd," the Doctor commented:  "I've never known the Commander to drink in this manner."  
  
"Maybe something's bothering him," Harry suggested.  Tom and the Doctor exchanged a look, then approached the table where Chakotay sat.  
  
"Are these seats taken?" the Doctor inquired.  
  
"Sit wherever you like," Chakotay replied.  He downed another shot, then grimaced:  "haven't touched stuff this strong in fifteen years."  
  
"Making up for lost time?" asked Tom.  
  
"I was hoping that it might ease the pain."  
  
"Are you in discomfort?" the Doctor prompted.  Chakotay shook his head:  
  
"Anguish is more like it..." he downed another drink, then began to pour again.  
  
"Well..."  Chakotay cut the Doctor off before he even had a chance to start:  
  
"Five years:  the happiest five years of my life.  I guess that I was a fool to think that she'd ever feel the same."  Chakotay stood up:  "I'm such a fool!"  
  
"Ah, sit down, man!" one of the holograms shouted.  
  
"Shut your mouth, or I'll shut it for you," Chakotay retorted.  
  
"Oh, you will, will ya?" the hologram returned, overturning his chair as he stood.  Tom leapt to his feet:  
  
"Hey, hey, hey..."  All eyes were on him:  "Um, why don't you tell us what happened?"  Chakotay looked away:  
  
"I saw them on the street together," he began:  "they were going to go on a picnic:  by the lake.  I had thought that it was just another fling, but..." he paused:  "Where is she, Tom?"  
  
"Who?"  
  
"Kathryn, who else?"  
  
"Kathryn?"  
  
"The Captain."  A pause:  
  
"Um, are you sure that you didn't misinterpret her interest for Michael?  I mean, we're all friends here...  Maybe she's just being friendly."  
  
"Are you calling me a liar?"  
  
"No, no:  not at all."  
  
"I thought that some day, if I let it happen on her own terms, Kathryn would return my love."  Tom leaned closer to the Doctor, lowering his voice:  
  
"I think that we may have to talk to her about this..."  
  
"What's the matter?  You don't think I'm good enough for her?"  
  
"I didn't say that!" Tom answered.  
  
"Well, tell me where she's gone."  
  
"I don't know..."  
  
"Well I think you do!!!!"  
  
That was when Chakotay lunged for Tom, knocking over a chair in the process.  The Doctor turned around to watch them catapult past him, stunned.  The rest of the room was already beginning to throw punches as well:  
  
"Gentlemen, please!  'Love thy neighbor'!"  
   
   
   
~  
   
   
   
"Let's see..." Kim began.  "I remember trying to reach the holodeck controls, and then somebody grabbed my leg."  
  
"Maybe it was the talking pig," Tom smiled.  
  
"No, actually, it was the Commander, and boy, does he have a left hook."  
  
It was at that moment that Captain Janeway chose to make her appearance.  As the doors closed behind her, she approached the biobed where Harry sat:  
  
"What's all this?"  The Doctor was the first to speak:  
  
"I'm afraid there's been some trouble in paradise."  Janeway gave him a look that asked her question without even opening her mouth:  "An altercation in the pub this evening.  Several crewmen were injured:  nothing serious."  Janeway turned back to Tom and Harry:  
  
"Arm wrestling get out of hand, boys?" she asked.  
  
"Not exactly," Neelix's words made Janeway turn.  Then Harry spoke:  
  
"It was Commander Chakotay, Captain.  He was..."  The Doctor cleared his throat.  "...looking for someone," Harry finished lamely.  The Doctor stepped closer to the Captain:  
  
"Why don't we take a little walk."  
   
   
   
~  
   
   
   
"Let me guess," the Captain started:  "he's heartbroken over some Irish lass."  The Doctor fell into step behind her:  
  
"On the contrary, Captain:  he was looking for you."  
  
"Me?" she stopped, surprised.  She considered his words for a moment:  "I see," she began to walk again.  
  
"I don't mean to pry, but we have a broken hearted commander who believed that one day you would return his love."  
  
"Oh, I'm sure that he'll be on to the next flaxen-haired damsel in distress before long.  I hope that he's all right."  
  
"Far from it.  The fight spilled out onto the street:  before long, he climbed up a tree and began shouting your name.  Mr. Neelix managed to talk him down, but I've been forced to confine him to quarters."  
  
"Was he... drunk?"  
  
"No, Captain:  he had several drinks before the altercation, but was quite sober.  Apparently the Commander can hold his liquor," the Doctor paused:  "He said that you were with Michael Sullivan..."  
  
"That's right," she answered abruptly.  
  
"Mr. Paris and I noticed that you've made quite a few alterations to his program."  
  
"Minor improvements."  
  
"To make him more appealing?"  
  
"You're starting to pry, Doctor."  
  
"I apologize for overstepping my bounds, but I'm worried about you, Captain.  Not only is your first officer suffering from a broken heart, but it seems that Michael Sullivan is as well.  His broken heart can be mended with the flick of a switch, but the Commander's is a little more complicated... as is yours."  
  
"I'm not going to be climbing any trees, if that's what you're worried about."  The Doctor stopped, and Janeway followed suit, turning to look back at him.  
  
"If you decide you want to talk, I've been hearing a lot of confessions lately."  The Doctor paused:  "Let me know."  He turned to leave, but Janeway stopped him:  
  
"You want to hear a confession, Doctor?"   A pause:  "All right."  She took his arm and began to lead him down the corridor.  "I've become romantically involved with a hologram, if that's possible."  
  
"Tell me what happened."  
  
"Oh, you know the story:  boy meets girl, girl modifies boy's subroutines."  
  
"Did you have intimate relations?"  
  
"That's none of your business," she pauses:  "Let's just say, it's been a memorable three days."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"Don't you?  Michael Sullivan is exactly my type:  attractive, intelligent... we share the same interests.  And if there's something I don't like," she snapped her fingers:  "I can simply change it."  
  
"I've noticed that humans usually try to change the people they fall in love with:  what's the difference?"  
  
"In this case:  it works."  Janeway grabbed his arm again, pulling him into another corridor:  "We had a picnic by the lake this afternoon.  Michael drifted off to sleep, his head was lying on my shoulder, and I remember thinking:  'this is close to perfect.'  Then he began to snore.  Did I nudge him with my elbow, hoping he'd roll over and stop?  Did I whisper in his ear to wake him?  No:  why bother, when I can simply access the computer and alter his vocal algorithms?  And that's exactly what I was about to do, when I realized that everything around me was an illusion:  even him.  So I left.  I almost wrote him a note to say goodbye, can you believe that?  A 'Dear John' letter to a hologram?  But I've been thinking since then, and did I make the right choice?  Yes, he's a hologram, but so are you.  You're alive.  What's the difference?"  
  
"The difference is, Captain, that I am self-aware.  I have a free will, an individual program that functions as my brain.  Michael is part of a program:  he doesn't make his own decisions.  He does what he was programmed to do, to follow the computer's instructions which are based on your interaction."  
  
"But is it really that different?"  
  
"Captain, maybe this represents a greater need."  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"You won't have a relationship with a member of your crew, so where does that leave you?  The occasional dalliance with a passing alien?   _Voyager_  could be in the Delta Quadrant for a very long time, and a hologram is not a logical alternative."  
  
"I can not become romantically involved with a member of my crew," she answered sternly.  
  
"Other members of the crew can develop relationships, so why can't you?"  
  
"They're all my subordinates."  
  
"Then set a precedent!" he answered.  "Captain's have feelings, just like anyone else.  You modified Michael Sullivan's program to make him more attractive:  you made the man taller, took away some facial hair, gave him an education, a sense of humor, an interest in reading and poetry and history..."  
  
"So?"  
  
"Do any of those characteristics sound familiar?"  Janeway didn't answer.  "Did it ever occur to you that it's not just a question of whether or not he's real, but of who you modeled him after?  Those characteristics are all ones that Commander Chakotay already possess'."  
  
"But we have never had feelings like that for each other..."  
  
"Are you sure?  Because despite your friendship with the Commander, professional and otherwise, you have always held him at arm's length.  Maybe it's time to stop trying to control every aspect of this relationship.  Romance is born out of differences, as well as similarities; out of the unexpected as well as the familiar."  Janeway paused, considering the Doctor's words:  
  
"Maybe I just need to be sure that he would love me back."  
  
"But isn't that the risk you always take, whether he's a hologram or not?"  The Doctor smiled, lifting his hand to gesture toward the ceiling:  "All I know is that Commander Chakotay was up in that tree, shouting your name."  
  
"I've never been afraid of taking risks, Doctor," Janeway stated softly:  "until now."  
  
"Then maybe you should take this risk together, Captain," the Doctor answered gently:  "hand in hand."  Janeway looked to him:  
  
"Thank you, Doctor."  
  
"You're welcome, Captain."  Kathryn turned and stepped into the turbolift.  It was time.  
   
   
   
~  
   
   
   
She stood outside his quarters, hesitant.  She pressed the chime.  It seemed like an eternity before he answered, but finally his reply came:  
  
"Come in."  
  
The doors slid open, revealing his darkened quarters.  She stepped inside.  He jumped to his feet as soon as he saw her:  "Captain..." she lifted a hand:  he fell silent.  
  
"May I?" she lifted a hand to indicate that she wanted to sit down in the nearest chair.  
  
"Of course, Captain."  He swallowed nervously as she moved to sit down across from him.  Chakotay seated himself on the couch again.  
  
Kathryn studied her first officer:  he looked awful.  His eyes were red, his hands trembled, and his shifting glance would not meet her own.  A silence hung between them twice as uncomfortable as the first had been.  Chakotay finally broke it:  
  
"I would like to apologize for my actions, Captain," he paused.  He ventured a glance upward, then looked away again.  "It won't happen again."  
  
Janeway covered her mouth were her hand, contemplating his statement.  
  
"I'm not sure that I'm the one you should be apologizing to," she replied calmly.  
  
"I understand," he answered:  "I will apologize to all the parties involved as soon as possible.  I would also like to submit a report so that you can take disciplinary action..."  
  
"No," she interrupted.  Chakotay's eyes finally met her own; their darkness mirrored his pain.  
  
"Captain?" he asked in confusion.  
  
"That won't be necessary, Commander.  The Doctor has explained his theories on the reasons for your actions:  I would like to hear what your feelings are on the subject."  
  
"I don't understand."  
  
"I want you to tell me why you did what you did."  Chakotay looked away again:  
  
"I have no reason to offer, Captain."  A pause:  
  
"That isn't good enough, Commander," she answered firmly:  "You are not a violent man by nature, Chakotay," she paused:  "There has to be some explanation of why you did this."  His eyes finally met her own:  
  
"When I saw you on the street..." he paused.  "You looked so happy.  I could tell that you wanted to be alone with Michael, and I respected that:  but I knew that there was more going on than just a hike."  He looked out the window at the stars:  "At first I just shrugged it off:  you've seemed interested in men before...  I even encouraged you to pursue the relationship.  But after we spoke on the bridge I realized:  those men were aliens who would always stay on their ship, on their home planet.  This is different:  Michael is a hologram, he'll follow you wherever we go...  He can't die, he'll never hurt you, and he can be whatever you need him to be." he stopped.  "And I realized that I'd never been in love before, not like this..." he hesitated.  
  
"Like what?" Kathryn prodded.  Chakotay turned to look at her again:  
  
"It's never been so intense that I couldn't control myself, that I would do anything to be with the woman that I love... with you."  
  
"Chakotay..."  He cut her off:  
  
"No, wait:  I just wanted to say that I've tried to not love you.  I've tried to hold back, to stay just friends, just two officers who are working side by side, and I've tried to deny that I still love you, but I can't.  I love you with every atom in my being; I am incomplete without you.  No matter how hard I try, I can't stop loving you."  
  
Kathryn's mouth had fallen open.  He had shown so much passion in his words.  She hadn't known what to expect when she had come here, but she hadn't expected this.  How could she respond?  What could she say?  Nothing could do his words justice, and it would only serve to destroy the beauty of that moment.  
  
And suddenly she realized:  she felt exactly the same way.  The first time she had ever seen him, she had known.  She had tried to fight it, but the Doctor was right.  She didn't want a hologram:  she wanted the real thing.  Michael Sullivan didn't even come close.  
  
Kathryn stood and slowly made her way around the coffee table and to his side, seating herself beside him.  Chakotay opened his mouth to speak, but before she even realized what she was doing Kathryn put her fingers over his mouth, silencing him.  
  
His mouth:  Kathryn traced his lips with her fingers.  She stopped as he lifted his own hand and touched her cheek.  That was when she realized that she was crying:  he was wiping away her tears.  
  
Kathryn closed her eyes for a moment, then opened them to stare into the eyes of the man before her.  Suddenly she knew:  she knew exactly what to say.  They were the only words that could even begin to do his justice.  
  
"Chakotay..." she measured her words, holding onto each one, for they were more precious to her than life itself:  "I love you, too."  She was crying again.  She gave him the half smile that she knew he loved...  
  
And Chakotay kissed her.  It was unlike anything she had ever experienced before, for in that moment both of them displayed pure love, more love than Kathryn had ever known was possible.  
  
With that love came something almost as beautiful, something that she had been searching for her entire life and had never even known she was looking for.  She wasn't alone anymore.  She didn't have to be invincible, distance herself from her crew, or be too strong to cry.  She found exactly what she had given Chakotay...  Kathryn found peace.


End file.
